June 17, 2007
Ron Corio
Portfolio Committee
English Department
Fudan University
Dear Portfolio Reader:
I would be truly grateful to you for your taking time to read my selected works for my portfolio. In this portfolio, five pieces of my assignments in the Academic Writing Class are included in order to show the footprint of my improving writing skills, as well as the insight to reality and thoughts about life. In this semester, by reading The International Story, an anthology with guidelines for reading and writing about fiction written by Ruth Spack, I witnessed how personality decides on the fate of those small tomatoes and how changeable life is. It offers me a lot of food to think about. The sequence of the essays listed in my portfolio, from bottom to top, shows the progress I have made through my efforts, peer’s encouragement and teacher’s advice.
When it came to writing before I attend the Academic Writing Class, I would just frown at the odd topic and then rack my own brain, only to put down several sentences. Though I spared no efforts in writing an essay, the coming-outs seemed not satisfactory. Attending to the class of the Academic Writing Class, our teacher Mr. Ron Corio eliminated my fear of writing by an unusual method, which called free-writing. Whatever comes into our mind is not restricted to show up on the paper. Original thoughts and feelings are encouraged to express in your writing. When smoothly writing a passage, you can even neglect the spelling and grammar mistakes. This method effectively stimulates my interest. Writing is thus enjoyable. The first item, the reading log “Necklace”, which selected from the four reading logs I have written, is my true feeling to the main character Mathilde. I believe only true feelings from the bottom of the heart can move your audience just like the drama.
Timed-writing demands not only the emotion, but also a sharp insight into the reality and an ability to relate it to the story. Timed-writing trains our speed and logical thoughts. “What might have been the quality of Mme. Loisel’s life if she had not lost the necklace? Is her life better or worse now?” Owing to the impulse to write, the time of conceiving of the frame is shorter and shorter. From timed-writing, I have improved my quick response and writing speed as the length of the essay has increased gradually from the timed-writing one to three.
The impulse to writing still is the source of inspiration. “Shock” is the only concise word I can choose to describe my feelings after reading the story of “Dead Men’s Path”. So I chose it as the story to analyze and interpret in my essay. The main character, Michael Obi, a young headmaster who had zeal to change the backward of the Ndume Central School, closed a “dead men’s path” of the tribal people without taking counsel with them, which lead to the destruction of the school compound and his failure in the report of the supervisor. The ending reminds me of the importance of a step-by-step, programmatic approach to problem solving. It is also a necessary element in improving writing skills.
Draft one in my portfolio was chosen because I quoted too much and wrote too little. The quotation marks spring up in the body of the draft one, which continually interrupts the outline of the essay. Too many quotations indeed set obstacles to readers. My teacher, Mr. Corio advised us to use quotations where are fundamentally needed. Too many quotations, which are not incorporated into the sentences, will deprive the essay of smoothness and fluentness. He put emphasis on writing my own feeling and interpretations of the essay, not the quotations. Paraphrasing, which he proposed us to use, can take the place of the long-sentence quotation, which I have revised in my draft two.
In the draft two, besides deleting many quotations, determining one thesis statement and clearly stated maybe the most important target in my writing. I tried to seek more specific evidence for supporting my thesis statement. The analysis of the character’s wife was not sufficient to interpret Obi’s inflexibility, so I deleted the whole paragraph. And paraphrasing is frequently employed in draft two when compared with draft one. In this draft, I also revised many grammatical errors, such as fragment, verb form error and so on. However, you can find that the body does not have a focus. I made the whole essay just an extended summary and did not relate to the thesis.
In order to overcome these shortcomings, I began to add more analysis and relate it to the thesis. The proportion of my own words has increased. Relating to the stories, I must have a clear mind of the exact meaning I want to convey through the paragraph. I revised the logic of interpretation in my draft three. Moreover, I have to mention the importance of listing sources. My teacher, Mr. Corio, lay stress on the obligation to cite the source of the material you quoted. Otherwise, you will be criticized, even charged with plagiarizing others’ work. I learned that honest and serious attitude toward writing are vital to us.
Thank you for taking the time to read my papers. I hope you enjoyed reading each one and that you learned from my ideas.
Sincerely,
Cecilia Xie
Cecilia Xie
June 14, 2007
Draft Three
Flexibility and Conflicts
Conflicts lend uncertainty and complication to life. Even a person with good intentions can not avoid misunderstandings and conflicts that follows. Conflicts may take place between a severe father and a young daughter, as well as a serious boss and a mentally-toughened employee. However, when conflict steps up to tradition and modern civilization, the situation is more difficult to deal with.
Nigeria, at the turn of the twentieth century, is a good example of culture conflicts mentioned above. A Christian Nigerian, Chinua Achebe, who was born and raised in Igbo but attended a mission school, experienced the tension between tradition culture and modern civilization. “Dead Men’s Path”, which Achebe wrote in 1953, painted a vivid picture of culture conflicts in a time of social transformation. In the story, Michael Obi, a “young and energetic headmaster” (52) who had zeal to change the backward of the Ndume Central School, closed a “dead men’s path” which is considered “the whole life of this village depends on it” (54) by the tribal people, in spite of the advice from the colleagues and the warning of the tribal priest. As a result, the destruction of the school compound by the tribal people leads to his failure in the report on the white supervisor’s inspection of the school. The ending was ironical but it is within my imagination. Flexibility, which Obi lacks, is a necessary element in dealing with the conflicts between tradition culture and modern civilization.
Obi was a proud and confident man who stock to his opinion and judgment before he was appointed headmaster. At the beginning of the story Mr. Obi was described as a young and energetic man who had great enthusiasm and ambition to catch the wonderful opportunity of running an unprogressive secondary school by his modern principle and ideal. Mr. Obi was frank and unreserved in his attitude towards the traditional culture. In the value system of Obi, he looked down at the tribal culture. He disdained “the narrow views of those older and often less-educated ones” (52). Obi made up his mind to change the backward situation. His determination to change the backward is reasonable and deserves credit and respect. Nevertheless, his way of change the backward situation is lacking in deep insight to reality and accessibility and feasibility of the solution. In Obi’s mind, superstitious and backward situation should be replaced by the modern ones through the only way which he thought could get effect instantly: civilization. Obi’s a combative impulse and firm stand separated himself from other teachers as “a pivotal teacher” (52).
When appointed as headmaster, Obi still insists on the firm stand and solid way of the traditional culture. As a new and vigorous headmaster, Obi put his efforts to build it according with his standards—high quality teaching and a gorgeous school compound. He considered his swift acts as the effective way of eliminating superstition and changing backward situation. But the reality was a little cruel despite his efforts. The backward situation resulted from the backward conception while the backward conception was deeply-rooted in people’s heart and hard to eliminate. Rome wasn’t built in one day. We have to slow down our steps to transform the backward society to an advanced one little by little. The process may cost several generations. Patience and compromise are needed throughout the process. But Obi did not have the patience and elastic attitude. At the sight of “faint signs of a disused path through the school compound” (53), he was shocked and then raged. Obi shook his head to show his puzzled spirit and remarked on it as “simply incredible” and “scandalized” news (53). The exaggerated word, “incredible” and “scandalized”, reflects Obi’s attitude towards the dead men’s path. He disliked and disdained the dead men’s path.
The revival of dead men’s path is a signal of the traditional culture’s re-prosperity. Obi can’t bear such ridiculous acts that happen under his very eyes. “Heavy sticks were planted closely across the path at the two places where it entered and left the school premises. These were further strengthened with barbed wire.” (54) Without taking counsel with tribal people, he closes the dead men’s path. Obi even ignores his colleague’s advice and insists on closing it without hesitation. He considers his swift and reckless acts as his style of civilization, his way to eliminate the backward tribal culture. It never occurs to him that a step-by-step, programmatic approach maybe the optimism solution.
But does “planting heavy sticks” work? Does it eliminate the backward situation? The answer was definitely not. Since Obi refuses to compromise with the tribal people on the issue of the “dead men’s path”, the village’s priest of Ani called on Obi and they had a big quarrel. His swift and reckless acts do bring about the conflicts, as well as his rude and inflexible attitudes. Those above all lead to conflicts, undoubtedly.
When the priest of the village called on him, Obi did not yield to his warnings. He even did not wait for the end of the old priest’s first words and interrupted him. No matter how the old priest told the past of the “dead men’s path”, or put emphasis on the importance of it, Obi turned a deaf ear to it. Mr. Obi gave an unqualified refusal “We can not allow people to make a highway of our school compound.”(54) He cuts off all the hope and space for maneuver and laughs at the concept of “dead men’s path” and staunchly defends the modern civilization. In his mind, “the whole purpose of the school is to eradicate just such beliefs. Dead men do not require footpath.” (54) The impatient and impolite act fuels the fierceness of their dialog. The conversation did not arrive at a compromise because of both the firm stand and inflexible ways.
Obi evaluates wrongly the power of the traditional culture. As the priest has said, “The whole life of this village depends on it. Our dead relatives depart by it and our ancestors visit us by it.” (54), the dead men’s path has close, or rather inseparable, tie to the tribal people’s belief and faith. It represents life in tribal people’s mental world. The revolutionary campaign in the mental world is not a good method to change the backwardness. Enlightening the tribal people, a step-by-step, programmatic approach is necessary. Evolution, not revolution, is the key to dealing with the conflicts between the tradition culture and modern civilization. The radical way has no efforts except aggravating the contradictions. So flexibility should be kept in mind to deal with the cultural conflicts. But unfortunately, Obi did not. It is the cause of the tragedy.
Obi’s way of dealing with the conflicts between the tradition culture and modern civilization is worth thinking. Owing to his inflexibility and intolerance, the school compound was destroyed while Obi was evaluated by the supervisor as a headmaster with “misguided zeal” (54). The climax of conflicts added a brilliant touch to the story. When different cultures conflicts, like the traditional culture and modern civilization, a mind of flexibility is a fundamental attitude to deal with the problem. Refusing compromising to the traditional culture and ignoring a step-by-step, programmatic approach only deteriorate the problem. If Obi could be flexible, compromising to the reality and adjusting the way of solving the problem, he would do a good job in dealing with the conflicts of tradition and modern cultures.
Work Cited
Chinua Achebe. “Dead Men’s Path” 1953 Rpt in The International Story: An Anthology with Guidelines for Reading and Writing about Fiction. Ruth Spack. New York: St. Martin’s,1994 52-54
Conflicts lend uncertainty and complication to life. Even a person with good intention can not avoid misunderstandings and conflicts that follows. Conflicts may take place between a severe father and a young daughter, as well as a serious boss and a mentally-toughened employee. However, when it stepped up to tradition and modern civilization, the situation is more difficult to deal with.
Nigeria, at the turn of the twentieth century, is a good example of culture conflicts mentioned above. A Christian Nigeria, Chinua Achebe, who was born and raised in Igbo but attended a mission school as a Christian, experienced the tension between tradition culture and modern civilization. “Dead Men’s Path”, which Achebe wrote in 1953, painted a vivid picture of culture conflicts in a time of social transformation. In the story, Michael Obi, a young and energetic headmaster who had zeal to change the backward of the school, closed a “dead men’s path”, in spite of the advice from the colleagues and the warning of the tribal priest. As a result, the destruction of the school compound by the tribal people leads to his failure in the report on the white supervisor’s inspection of the school. The ending was ironical but in my imagination. If Obi compromises with the tribal culture and keep inflexibility in mind, he could make a success. Inflexibility is a necessary element in dealing with the conflicts tradition culture and modern civilization.
Obviously, he was a proud and confident man who sticks to his opinion and judgment before he was appointed headmaster. At the beginning of the story Mr. Obi is described as “a young and energetic man” who had great enthusiasm and ambition to catch the wonderful opportunity of running an unprogressive secondary school by his modern principle and ideal. In the value system of Mr. Obi, he looked down at the tribal culture. “He was outspoken in his condemnation of the narrow views of those older and often less-educated ones.” (52) He was a radical figure who oppose to the traditional culture strongly. The backward situation should be changed through the only way: civilization. Superstitious and backward concepts should be replaced by the modern ones introduced from the western. Obi’s a combative impulse and firm stand is obviously stated and he can’t bear any criticism.
And here is a role we have to mention, that is Obi’s wife. Her appearance is a pretty and artful writing skill Achebe applied to the story, which also adds the weight to his solid character. As the good news of promotion reaches his wife, she has even “see her already as the admired wife of the young headmaster, the queen of the school”. “In their two years of married life she had become completely infected by his passion for ‘modern methods’ and his denigration of ‘those old and superannuated people in the teaching filed who would be better employed as traders in the Onitsha market.’”(52) In her tone, we can obviously find that she was dreaming of the wonderful and modern life. Obi paints a colorful and delightful picture of the modern life. As an inflammatory man, he “infected” his wife the passion for modernization and disdain towards the tradition. This confirms that he is a man filled with firm position from the side.
When appointed as headmaster, Obi still insists on the firm stand to the traditional culture. As a new and vigorous headmaster, he has the confidence, the vigor, the efforts to create a modern school which accords with his standards. However, when he saw “an old women from the village hobble right across the compound”(53), he was shocked and then raged. He found “faint signs of a disused path through the school compound” (53) with a “scandalized” (53) spirit. The word “scandalized” demonstrated the rage and shock of Obi’s sight at the scene. It offends him very much as he can not tolerate any act to ruin his modern work. “‘It amazes me,’ said Obi to one of his teachers who had been three years in the school, “that you people allowed the villagers to make use of this footpath. It is simply incredible.” He shook his head.” (53) The exaggerated words and the critic tone reflect Obi’s shock and anger. He can’t tolerate such “ridiculous” acts that happen under his very eyes. The shook of his head emphasize his disagreement with the traditional “dead men’s path”. In his world, the right and wrong is absolutely clear. He lacks of the needed compromise and inflexible attitudes towards the culture conflicts.
Even the colleagues of Obi recalled the memories of “a big row some time ago they attempt to close it” (53), he insisted on closing it with no hesitation. “Heavy sticks which planted closely”, were “further strengthened with barbed wire” (54). Obi chooses a fierce and frontal way to solve the contradiction, rather than a roundabout way. As a completely idealist, he sticks to his principles and dreams. He refuses to compromise with the tribal people on the issue of the “dead men’s path”.
The following climax of the dispute between Obi and the village priest proves the lack of Obi’s tolerance and flexibility. He was a firm and opinionated man. The solid characteristic when goes to extremes can be called a stubborn mind. Obi chooses to sting to his methods of dealing with the conflicts. He did not wait for the end of the old priest’s words and interrupted him. The impatient and impolite act fuels the urgent denial of the traditional culture. “Yes,” replied Mr. Obi. “We can not allow people to make a highway of our school compound.”(54) He cut off his retreat. No matter how the old priest told the past of the “dead men’s path”, or put emphasis on the importance of it, Obi turned a deaf ear to it. He laughed at the concept of “dead men’s path” and staunchly defended the modern civilization. In his mind, “the whole purpose of the school is to eradicate just such beliefs. Dead men do not require footpath.” (54) He advocates a revolution in the field of civilization and culture. He lacks a mind of multi-culture in the congregation of a society. He refuses to be flexible and compromise to the traditional culture.
He evaluates wrongly the power of the traditional culture. As the priest has said, “The whole life of this village depends on it. Our dead relatives depart by it and our ancestors visit us by it.” (54), the dead men’s path has close, or rather inseparable, tie to the tribal people’s belief and faith. It represents life in tribal people’s mental world. The revolutionary campaign in the mental world is not a good method to change the backwardness. Enlightening the tribal people, a step-by-step, programmatic approach is necessary. Evolution, not revolution, is the key to dealing with the conflicts between the tradition culture and modern civilization. The radical way has no efforts except aggravating the contradictions. So inflexibility should be kept in mind to deal with the true situation. But unfortunately, Obi did not. It is the cause of the tragedy.
Obi’s way of dealing with the conflicts between the tradition culture and modern civilization is worth thinking. Owing to his inflexibility and intolerance, the school compound was destroyed while Obi was evaluated by the supervisor as a headmaster with “misguided zeal” (54). The climax of conflicts added a brilliant touch to the story. In my point of view, culture conflicts at the point of tradition and modern ones. An inflexible attitude helps to deal with such conflicts. If Obi could be inflexible, compromising to the reality and adjust your way of solving the problem, you will do a good job in dealing with the conflicts of tradition and modern cultures.
0534052
Cecilia Xie
June 21, 2007
Timed-Writing Three
From The Necklace, what might have been the quality of Mme. Loisel’s life if she had not lost the necklace? Is her life better or worse now?
In The Necklace, Mme. Loisel who was a beautiful and graceful woman dreamed of luxurious life and upper-class dignity. She attended a palace ball and won one night of glory. She lost the necklace she borrowed from her classmate. She had to pay for it at the price of ten years of hard-working.
It seemed that all the misery Mathilde has suffered should be attributed to the necklace, the shining diamond jewelry. What if she had not lost the necklace? What would happen and how the destiny can be different?
Let us paint a vivid picture of the new life of Mathilde. At the night of the ball, Mme. Loisel enjoys herself in the dancing pool, whirling, whirling and whirling. When the dawn draws near, Mathilde had to return to the reality: she is a Cinderella again. She and her husband call a carriage whose price is affordable and the flying carriage sends Mathilde back to the tiny and tough apartment.
She takes off the delicate dress whose price equals one of gun. In the mirror, she is trying to remain the taste of the wine and the light of the crystal light. Of course, the praise and admire from the gentlemen on the ball was unforgettable. She was plunged into her dreaming and her memory while her husband was sweet sleeping as nothing had happened.
Mathilde could not forget the glory of the night. Once she was alone, she would put on the delicate dress and put on the shining diamond necklace. I have to mention that she like it so much that she have not sent it back yet. The feeling of the luxurious life appealed to her even more. She is more content with the present life. On the seventh day, she returned the necklace to her friend reluctantly.
However, her weaving the dreams of the upper-class life did not stop. Although she was spared from the housework by hiring a servant, she still demands her husband to add one to take care of her. Although their incomings are enough for the living expenses, she paid a lot to buying perfume and costume of the famous brand in high price. Her husband spoiled her and she was living a “high-quality” life in poverty. And she was still complaining the unfair life and while dreaming of the luxury and glory in despair and hope.
If Mme. Loisel had not lost the necklace, her life will not change into a tragedy. She did not have to pay for the loss of the necklace. She does not have to work day and night at least But is it true that if Mme. Loisel had not lost the necklace, her life would not be a tragedy? The answer is absolutely no. learning her vanity leads to her tragedy will awaken her. Ten years of hard work will train her into a real women who can take care of the family. And the true love of her husband appears clearer to her. She had taken up her responsibilities. In my point of view, her life is better. She has grown up at the price of golden times. But she has grown up.
Wonderful ironical story! I am absorbed in reading “necklace” along with the ups and downs of the story, although I have read it at least five times. The necklace has won the popularity around the world, and can be counted as one of the classical short stories in my mind.
The necklace was the clue of the whole story. The heroine Mathilde gains all the admire of the men and the envy of the women at the minister’s ball because of her beauty. The shining necklace contributed to her triumph at the ball. However, Mathilde paid not only a bill of 34,000 Frances but also her golden time in youth for the loss of the necklace! How “expensive” the necklace is!
Women love the jewelries in nature. I like the details when she discovered the superb necklace of diamonds. “Her heart began to beat with an immoderate desire. Her hands trembled as she took it.” Mathilde was lost in the ecstasy of materialism. The necklace is a symbol of Mathilde’s desires of luxurious life.
There is an old saying about the wants of human beings in Chinese: a contented mind is perpetual feast. Life is full of different difficulties and hardship. The attitude decides your fate. If you hate your life, you will fail to find the shining points in your life. Thus, you can’t enjoy your life even if you are rich. The complaint about life just bring you bad mood rather than good mood. On the contrary, even if you live a simple and plain life, you will be surrounded by happiness with a content mind. I don’t mean dreaming for a better life is not correct and should be restricted. I just want to say: When you have one yuan, you should be glad that you have one, instead of thinking I am poor. Cherish what you have had and be graceful at it. We can’t be controlled by our desires. We live for ourselves, not for the money and luxurious material.
By the way, although Mathilde deserves punishing for her vanity and greediness, I feel sympathy for her. It is too cruel for Mathilde to pay for her fault at the cost of her golden time in youth. Perhaps only in this way, the drama will have a sharp reflection on the reality.